


looks at me like nobody else has ever done

by notthebigspoon



Series: Stick 'Em Up [17]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2012-10-15
Packaged: 2017-11-16 08:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tired, sick and more than a little self conscious, Ryan has been traveling with the team but hasn't made a dugout appearance since he was struck by the foul ball. He's absolutely done with the sympathy and the pity.</p><p>Title taken from Like Nobody Else by My Darkest Days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	looks at me like nobody else has ever done

Tired, sick and more than a little self conscious, Ryan has been traveling with the team but hasn't made a dugout appearance since he was struck by the foul ball. He goes to the park but opts to watch from the clubhouse. He occasionally turns up in the background of interviews and several times during the NLDS celebrations, in spite of his best efforts. He avoids talking period. After all, he's not contributing. If anything, he thinks, he's a distraction. He keeps that to himself, though, because it would make Brandon angry. Not to mention how absolutely done Ryan is with all the sympathy and pity from his teammates.

As a result, he generally stays pretty quiet. He mostly talks to Brandon and Posey, who won't _let_ Ryan push him away. Sometimes he and McCarthy text, trading stories of their adventures in brain injury and complaining about over concern from their respective lovers. That's what Ryan is doing while they're waiting on the runway for the plane to be fixed so they can fly about to San Francisco. Jalynne is laying across the seats with her head in Brandon's lap while Ryan has parked himself in the back of the plane, relatively alone. They'd protested and he had ignored them. They're more than a little upset with him.

Ryan, though, he thinks it's safer if they get a little distance established. They're getting careless, dangerously so. Brandon's touches in front of the team are getting more frequent and more intimate. It's widely known that whenever Ryan isn't with the team, he's with Jalynne. He's already heard the rumors that are going around, sees the way some people look askance at them, especially some of the other wives. The only people that actually know about their relationship are his parents, Huff, Posey and the McCarthys. Probably Lincecum and Suzuki as well but Ryan isn't totally sure about that.

What he is sure about is that they're getting entirely too comfortable and that will result in this thing blowing wide open and he doesn't need that on top of his other problems.

He spends most of the flight by himself, a few of the people still awake making their way to the back to talk to him since he doesn't look as tired as everyone else. Even so, they give up quickly because he doesn't make much conversation. He's widely left alone for about half an hour before they land and he's forgotten entirely in the fuss of everyone waking up and deboarding. He likes it better that way. He exits last, fedora pulled down as far as it goes, bag slung over his shoulder.

Realistically, he probably should have expected the crowd of fans waiting to greet them. But the shouts, cheers and applause hit him like a brick wall. He has an instant headache and feels more than a little overwhelmed. He looks around for someone to hide behind, ultimately pressing in close to Huff. Huff blinks at him before apparently comprehending what's wrong and nodding. He keeps himself between Ryan and the fans on the way out. When they make it outside, Ryan offers him an embarrassed smile.

“Sorry. Just didn't feel up to handling that.”

“I know exactly how you feel.” Huff answers, patting Ryan's shoulder.

Ryan looks around for Brandon and Jalynne, sighing when he doesn't see them. He sits down on a bench to settle in for the wait. He's barely gotten comfortable when a hand wraps around his bicep and hauls him back up onto his feet. He stares at Huff.

“Come on. We'll give you a ride home. No need you sitting around waiting, it won't help you feel any better.”

Ryan wants to say know. He knows it'll hurt his boyfriend and girlfriend's feelings but he's thinking that Huff isn't wrong. Ryan is tired, stressed and feeling a little selfish. He nods wordlessly and follows Huff to the pick-up lanes. He's wondering who this 'we' is and finds out when they reach a huge, shiny black truck. He opens the door and climbs into the backseat, blinking when he sees Burrell. Huh.

“Theriot needs a ride. Crowd was a little much and we don't know where Crawford is.” Huff says simply. Burrell just shrugs and kisses Huff before pulling away from the curb, asking Ryan for his address.

Ryan starts to give the address for the apartment before remembering that the lease on the apartment is up. Jalynne and Brandon had moved most of their things to a friend's house before the road trip. Ryan hadn't been present for it, too unsure of being around people he doesn't know. He's only sure that he doesn't want to stay with them. They're not _his_ friends. He thinks on it, gnawing on his lip before finally just mumbling the name of a hotel. Huff and Burrell don't question it, just nod and point the truck in the right direction.

The drive is quiet. Ryan is tired and he knows that Huff is too. Burrell has the radio on low, occasionally humming bits of the songs. Ryan falls asleep with his head listing to the side. He wakes to a hand on his knee, shaking him a little. He jumps and Burrell laughs quietly, tell him they're arrived. Ryan starts to say thank you when Burrell puts a finger to his lips and nods at Huff. Ryan peeks at Huff in the rear view mirror. He's slumped against the door sound asleep. There's a softness in Burrell's expression that Ryan is sure very few people get to see.

Ryan whispers his thanks and is told any time. And Burrell actually seems to mean it. Ryan probably won't ever need to take him up on it but he appreciates it all the same. Ryan. He slides out of the truck with his bag and closes the door as quietly as he can. He waves at Burrell before going inside to check in. Maybe he indulges himself a little too much when he gets a suite. But hey, he's brain damaged, he can always blame it on that.

He showers first before crawling into bed. The bed is huge, soft and and fluffy. Ryan is asleep the second his head touches the pillow.

He doesn't know what time it is when he wakes up, just that the room is golden with sunshine. He stretches out like a cat before curling back up and nuzzling his face into the pillow. The bed really is fantastic and he thinks that he just might blow the money it would cost to get one just like it. No, he knows he's going to spend the money. Might not be the best idea in the world. He stretches and curls again, smiling happily when the room phone rings. He stares at it sleepily before crawling over to the edge. They have his credit card info and his stay is open ended, they won't be calling him to check out.

It doesn't seem to be stopping so he sits up and scoots to the edge, reaching out and snagging it with his fingertips. He flops back against the pillow, yawning and sinking into the pillowy mattress. “Hello?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Morning to you too Huffy.”

“Afternoon, you sonuvabitch. You broke the Crawbaby. We need him, you prick!”

“I didn't break him. Jesus. What's wrong?”

Huff growls into the phone. It actually does scare Ryan a little. “He's pissed as hell and breaking shit. Sat him down and made him tell me what the fuck was going on. You didn't answer their texts or their calls and didn't tell them where you were. They didn't even know you left with me. You scared the shit out of them and you made Jalynne cry!”

“I...” Ryan swallows and presses his hand to his face. He is a complete asshole. But he doesn't give in. Not quite yet, saying softly and plaintively, “They're staying with friends, Huff. I couldn't go with them. I don't belong there with them. I can't be there and not touch them and I can't ruin their friendships. And I would. People wouldn't understand.”

“The friends know about you, you stupid fuck. Stamos said so.” Huff snaps but there's little heat behind it. “Jesus. Stop assuming you know everything. Fucking brain damaged beyond repair. Would have left you there if I had known they weren't going to meet you at the hotel later.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't say sorry to me. Check out, come to the park and apologize to him. We need him tomorrow and let's face it, he functions better with you around.”

Huff doesn't wait for an answer, just hangs up. Ryan doesn't waste time, getting up and dressing before throwing his traveling clothes into his bag and grabbing his hat. He looks around the suite wistfully. It's really nice. Maybe if he explains to them, they'll come stay here with him until the season is over. There was even a promotional thing talking about a romance package. Maybe between that and some groveling they'll forgive him. He leaves the bag in place, makes sure he has his keys and wallet on him before heading down to the street.

He calls a cab to take him to the park and finds himself really not wanting to go inside. He's afraid of facing Brandon, afraid of fucking this up again because every time he has something good going, he ruins it. He is a life ruiner. He wonders why he can't ever just let himself be happy without self destructing. People used to say there was something fundamentally wrong with him. It was a fond thing, though. Ryan thinks uncertainly that they were right but it's no longer a laughing matter.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter. Because when he makes it inside and gets something to drink because his mouth feels like cotton and walks out of the dugout and onto the field, he's immediately spotted by Brandon. Brandon who strides across the field without expression and wraps his arms around Ryan, hugging him so tightly that he can barely breathe. Ryan's not a light weight and he's not weak but Brandon is three inches taller, thirty pounds heavier and just plain stronger. It's not exactly difficult for Brandon to crush him into submission.

Brandon kisses the top of Ryan's head, muttering, “Why didn't you tell us you were overwhelmed? Or that you weren't comfortable staying with our friends? We would have done something different. You scared us to death.”

“I couldn't find you. That's why I went with Huff.” Ryan mumbles into Brandon's chest. “And I didn't want to make you mad. When I say stuff like that, you get mad.”

“We get mad when you think you don't belong. If you're not comfortable, we're okay with that. But you have to tell us. Okay? Promise me you will and we'll forget about the rest of it.” Brandon says firmly, gripping Ryan's chin and making him look up.

“I promise.”

Brandon looks at him, like he's trying to decide if Ryan is lying, before nodding. He hugs Ryan again, not as tightly, before wandering off and leaving Ryan to himself. Ryan moves off to the side, watching everyone practice but giving them a wide berth. Posey and Huff both giving him aggravated but fond looks, the rest of them disregard his aversion to human contact and make him participate anyway. He missed it.

Kelly getting hurt kind of crushes the day for everybody. Ryan can't stop hovering, hands constantly going to his own head with phantom pains and memories of his own hit to the head. He calls it quits after Kelly's taken out in the ambulance, shakes his head and says he's going home. Nobody seems to fault him for it, a few of the guys getting hugs in before he's allowed to wander off on his own. He hears footsteps behind him in the tunnel. He's not surprised. He turns and smiles shakily at Brandon.

“Sorry. Just... I don't feel so good now.”

“It's okay. I know things bother you lately.” Brandon says quietly and Ryan likes that better. His shrink calls it trauma and Ryan hates that term, even if it's medically accurate.

“I got a hotel room. I mean, you knew that, but it's a really nice one. The bed is amazing. I thought maybe we could stay there until we go to St. Louis.” Ryan hesitates. Brandon might not be mad at him but he probably won't go for this. Which proves that he is chronically underestimating his boyfriend and not giving him enough credit and a lot of other things people keep telling Ryan. Huff is right. He needs to stop assuming he knows everything, because Brandon kisses him and nods.

“Okay. Text me the hotel address and the room number. I'll pick up Jalynne after practice and we'll meet you there.” Brandon says softly, rubbing Ryan's neck. “And Ryan?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Ryan flushes, looks down at his feet before smiling shyly at Brandon and returning the sentiment. He leans up for a kiss before turning and walking out of the park without looking back. If he does, he'll never be able to stop kissing Brandon. That's kind of becoming a thing with Brandon and Jalynne lately. When he steps back out into the sunshine and starts searching for a cab, he fishes his phone out to text Brandon the address and room number. He's barely sent it before a message from Jalynne pops up.

JalynneC  <3: You're an idiot. I love you. See you in a few hours.

Ryan grins all the way back to the hotel.


End file.
